My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
