i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
