Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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