OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dick very happy bro
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
