She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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