Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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