if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
