Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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