I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
