if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
