I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
