Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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