I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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