Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
