Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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