the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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