oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
