3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
