The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Come see our sink grown plant.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
