I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
