Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
