I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize