Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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