dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
40s are totally the cure
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
