he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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