no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me I should be a condom model.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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