You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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