I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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