I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
