I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
