Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
