The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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