Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
