I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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