Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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