he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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