U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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