Who did Billy Mays play for?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We left the knife in your bed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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