i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
