I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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