I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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