The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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