I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
