No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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