you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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