We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
