If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
