If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
