He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize