I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
