My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
