Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
