I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
