People in love make me want to vomit
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
