Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
