I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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