I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
