Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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