Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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