someone get that fucking seahorse.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
