I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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