Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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