Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
