It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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