The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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