just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I party with great urgency now.
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