I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
