she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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