and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
