Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
