have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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