im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
