nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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