I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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