So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
