We named our party play list daddy issues
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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