I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
