im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
