Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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