She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
