High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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