You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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