Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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